The other day, as I rummaged around through old folded clothes in our walk in closet I ran across an old toy. This monkey I got at the zoo when I was like 6. It’s wearing a blue dress I took from a doll and it’s absolutely hideous. But I hold it tight, and I remember just how much I loved it. I used to drag that thing around for hours. Oh and God forbid I couldn’t find it when bed time came around. It brought me so much warmth to see it.
When I first saw it I was ecstatic. I held it close and reminisced. I even played with it for a couple of hours. This of course annoyed everyone at home because the only thing this monkey can do is squeak. At one point my mom looks at me and says. “Hay cosas que merecen quedarse en el pasado” Meaning: “this was cute when you were a child but if you don’t stop it, I’m gonna make sure it goes away forever”. I laughed at her. But she was right. At the end of the day, it took to a corner where it layed untouched and un-played with. After all I’m 23 now and someone, like my mom, would eventually point out that carrying a stuffed animal is no longer appropriate.
There’s a reason why we put unused things away. It’s not that they don’t mean anything anymore but they no longer serve its purpose. If things didn’t expire just imagine how many bunk beds there’d be with Spiderman sheets on them. Every time we’d walk into our bedroom there’d be a time warp. From our Barbie Days to the Backstreet boys posters. From the Nancy drew books to piles of Vogues. The “Put a way” closet is there for a reason. We can’t hold on to things forever.
Later that week I found myself wrapped in my own time warp when I met up with my ex that weekend. Even though this was our first attempt at interaction past the break up, we managed to sweep everything under the rug and dance the night away. When you see each other after such a long time it’s so easy to get caught in the emotions of it all. And we did. The nostalgia of better days consumes you. You’re captivated by the feelings of the glory days. For a moment we were caught in the emotions of what we both missed about each other. But the reality was there was no place in our lives for each other anymore. And even the kindest wishes and the deepest admiration for one another could not alter the current page in our lives. Because put aside the past, there was no present. And you can’t live off the glory days forever. Eventually the monkey will squeak and cross the line. And you’ll be remembered why it was put away in the first place.
After finally addressing things, at least on my end, it blew up… and I realized we had wasted our time on trying to bring back to life what had long since then passed. The truth was we were both better off with out the other no matter how much we cared. Our lives were less toxic that way. One last text message later and I put down my phone and stepped away from it. I sat on my bed when the Monkey caught my eye. I looked at him and sighed.
We hold onto things because they hold a dear memory. They remind us of the past and taking them out to look at them from time to time remind us how far we’ve come since then. But maybe some things are meant to be retired for good, like a Monkey, or your ex boyfriend. Because what good is dragging out every dead body if at the end of the day they will remain dead. Sometimes you just have to realize that there is no way around it. The past is the past. And its time you accept that so you can go along with your future. Maybe there’s a reason why we box things away and hide them in the attic. Our rooms cant be museums of past loves and aspirations. After all Happiness will never be found looking back…
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