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Intermezzo: NOT always a love story

 “I have been an intermezzo in his life…” I say biting my lip.
And she nods because she understands. It’s her story. And her heart skips a beat, and a tear falls, and the sky in the darkest shade of gray agrees with a downpour of its own rain.


And we sit and watch an old 1939 movie with a story that jumps from the screen. The story portrayed is that of a concert pianist and the affair he begins with his accompanist. A story so raw, of a love so meticulously built upon the unhappiness of others. Ingrid Bergman portrays Anita, a young, naïve soul, who falls in love desperately with out a care in the world. And Leslie Howard, as Holgar Brandt, a man so talented in his craft who cant resist putting everything on the line, even his family, to fall passionately and foolishly in love with someone else. Anita soon finds that living in the shadows of their love is not enough. That living in a far away place cut off from the world, or pretending that the past doesn’t exist, will not stop the future from unraveling. She is asked to question if what once meant the most to her simply stopped to exist because her attention was drawn away from it. She wants to believe so badly that he loves her and that she loves him and that that is enough for them to be happy. But she finds herself torn with guilt for breaking up his family. Realizing that a love like theirs is wrong and dragged down with remorse and fears she decides to walk away. In this movie Holgar finds redemption and forgiveness. But in life, well… life writes itself.


“I just don’t get it Miriam. Why? Why did he do it? “
I look at her and stare because for someone who always has the right thing to say, I just don’t know.


 I’ve often wondered what leads someone to cheat. Can happiness really be built upon the unhappiness of others? In Intermezzo the couple lives out their affair fully open. But in real life most affairs are kept in secret. An omission becomes a lie, and a lie a betrayal. And once the wheel is in motion it all becomes an inevitable crash site. So what good comes out of a lie? Does omission of the truth really save us? Or in our web of lies do we lose ourselves?


Have you ever seen a house of cards?  Something so meticulously constructed takes time and effort and because of that you can’t but appreciate its architect. But the truth is its structure is questionable, its walls are flimsy, and the balance is unstable. A sudden shift and the infrastructure will collapse completely flat. And you can’t imagine from the rubble left that anything ever stood there to begin with.


A relationship based upon omissions has the same inevitable ending. It begins with a lie. A lie so meticulously constructed, perfectly displayed, that it makes any one who heard it, believe it. After all, the person left in the dark doesn’t know the truth. To them this house of cards is enchanting and charming. In their eyes they have someone they can count on, believe in, and bet their life on. But in truth they live in a flimsy structure, a fragile arrangement, and a weak situation that is in danger of failing.


So what good is a speculative scheme if it’s vulnerable to an impending cave in? Why create something so complex if what you end up with is something you don’t want? Why make someone believe you love them, if in reality they were just a stepping stone?


When the cards unravel and the truth comes out it makes everything else you lived with that person seem like a complete lie. That you were foolishly living in a world of pretend and that you were naïve for believing you were safe in the lie created. You’re ground has shifted, everything you believed in is questioned, and that confidence you had that this could never happen to you is stripped. It leaves you feeling completely bare and the emotional walls you build up don’t seem to be built fast enough. There’s also a huge sense of abandonment. It feels like he/she poured gasoline all over you and lit you on fire. And walked away with out ever looking back. Left you alone to bear the pain and the burn of it all. The truth is you turned your back for just one second, and the knife fell. And the one holding it was the one you loved the most.


An intermezzo is a short piece of music between the acts of a story. A brief entertainment between two acts of a play. A connection between something great and something greater. An intermezzo in this case can be a short lived affair that steals your attention for a short time. The Other woman/man who captured his/her love. Or it is us, ourselves, and realizing that sometimes we are just that… a short lived tale or a brief story that just lives on for a moment in time. A stepping stone for that other person, who willingly or Not, hurt us to get to where they need to be in life.


Life is a series of events and acts, some fortunate, some not. That’s the honest truth. Sometimes we get why things happen and sometimes all we are left with are questions. But if the house of cards shall fall down, if it all goes up in flames,  if you lose yourself in all the heartache and the pain… know that eventually you will find the will and the way to go on again. Because I honestly believe that we may not always end up where we thought we were going… but we will always end up where we were meant to be.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thank you sweet girl. Thank you Miriam. Thank you for writing my story. I cried a million times reading it over and over. But though my marriage is now over I really believe in your words. Eventually I will find forgiveness and the will and the way. You write beautifully and I'm so glad I shared my story with you so you could write it. You have amazing talent. Love you, Ana.
Miriam Soltero said…
Oh ana. Thank you for sharing it with me and letting me write it. And I promise you'll be okay. God, Jehovah, will give you the strength and and endurance to make it through. I know right now things may not seem okay. I know right now there might be a lot of pain. But time will help you. And just remember you are never alone. Continue your bible study. It will help you greatly. You will be blessed because you keep putting Jehovah first. And remember I'm always here for you. :)

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