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Yesterday's ending

They say that when you truly care about someone you have to be willing to let them go. Allow them to find their happiness even if it means losing them forever.


******


It’s never the right time to say goodbye. But it’s time to end the story. Sign it and place it on the shelf- her friend said. They were eating lunch and talking about an inevitable ending.


Can you ever take it out to read it again?- she said sarcastically


No, never mind you should burn it- she said.

And they laughed as her heart sank deeper and deeper.

******


When you’re young you think you have an idea of exactly what love is supposed to be. It isn’t till long after that you realize just how much more complicated it all is. But still we all march in blindly willing to take the risk. No one knows the outcome. You can’t. You just have to hope that the love you have for each other is enough to overcome it all.


Still sometimes, all the love in the world, all the most wishful thinking, and all the ink of a pen cant rewrite the ending that slipped right out of your hands.


His love was one of the purest most genuine of loves. And she loved him more than she will ever be able to admit. They had something so beautiful but so dysfunctional it could not last. They could blame it on the circumstance, or on indecision. They could blame it on his impossible demands and the expectations he wanted her to fill. They could blame it on many things but with time they began a vicious circle of back and forth I love you’s and I don’ts. They broke up and got together countless times. But after 5 years of pain, emotions up and down, after the lessons, the struggles, the self inflicted wounds, and all the broken hearts their tragic times overpowered all the love and all the faith they had in “us”. With time they were drained. And no hopeful thinking or wishes lost in the stars would make it okay again. They both knew it but it was hard to say. If they did, if they admitted there was a complete utter failure they'd be opening up for a hurt bigger than they could ever imagine. Because though the relationship was over, letting it sink in, was admitting defeat. And after 5 years of fighting the tides to make it through, that hurt.


But there they were in a familiar position, him in front of her, making useless conversation, stalling the moment and the things that must be said. When they finally began to talk, and they began to spill their hearts, she told him she had nothing else to give. He told her he had been awaiting this moment for a while. They talked and talked, about everything they ever felt, about the past, spread the blame for the things they couldn’t change.


“If you could erase everything that we’ve been through, would I still be the guy you’d want to spend the rest of your life with?” – He asked.


She smiled. She had asked him that question when he broke up with her two years ago. So she nswered with the same answer he gave her years ago.


“Yes, but we can’t erase it. I don’t know if our fate is sealed. All I know is what I see in front of me. And today, today I just have to walk away.” And a tear fell from his eyes.


“How did we let it get here? When did I lose you?” he said with the sweetest sadness in his eyes.


She sighed, “I’m not sure darling. It was hard to hold on to what was rapidly slipping out of our hands.” And a tear fell from her eyes. He reached over and took her hands in his. And with the touch of his hand images of them rushed through.

Far from where they are now, are the I love you’s they said, the dreams that they dreamed, and the promises made. For years they fought the world and everything in it. Tried and tried to make something fit to find it didn’t. Their love became only a constant wish, lost among the stars, that tomorrow would be different. That tomorrow they would make it. But when morning came, and the sun shined through, and they fell again into a vicious circle, it would wear out all their will to love.


The minutes passed and they ran out of words, and out of small talk. They hugged and didn’t let go for a very long time. She breathed in his scent one last time. Ran her hand through his hair. She looked at him one last time, reached her hand to his face, and held it there while she looked intently into his eyes. She wanted to engrave in her memory his face. A face she would probably never see again. She kissed his cheek and as she backed away she whispered “I’ll be seeing you darling”. He stood there and though in his eyes there was sorrow, he smiled that same smile he had the night when he told her his name. She smiled, blinked back the tears, and slowly turned around

The ground beneath her shook as she walked away… And the wind that blew by echoed “I’ll be there to catch you when you fall”- the words he said the night she met him. She turned around quickly but he was gone. And her heart sank.

As she drove off into the night she realized that what hurt the most in letting go wasnt that she was writing an ending. What hurt the most in saying goodbye wasnt walking away... What hurt the most was realizing their love had never really belonged.


It never really belonged to the world. Never belonged to a reception where you vow to always love each other and live happily ever after. Never belonged in a real house where you wash socks and slice onions. It only belonged in a story book… where life collided and stories never broke free from the pages…


******

Signed with a kiss sealed with a tear

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