When I was about 12 or so, a sneaker company came out with
these skating-tennis shoes. Just regular tennis shoes that could turn into
skates. They became the rage at the school I went to. And everyone who was anyone
had a pair.
So I of course, begged and begged till I got my pair. They weren't
easily given. I had to pick up extra chores, be extra sweet, be super obedient,
and look at my dad with puppy eyes many, many times before he even considered
getting them for me. Needless to say
that by the time I got them, I was ecstatic; happy that I now too possessed the
biggest fashion trend at school.
When the first day of school came after I bought them, I was
so blissful, I planned my entrance and a whole outfit around them. That day I
got to school, I walked into the cafeteria beaming. But as I prepared to show
them off, only one worked. So there I was skidding to a complete stop, quite abruptly,
right in front of another kid who had his tray in his hand. I plowed right into
him sending his tray straight in the air. I gasped knowing that what goes up
must come down. And it did. Right on top of me. A tray full of oatmeal pancakes
and gooey syrup toppled on top of me.
Needless to say I was mortified! To make things worse. There
was a staff meeting later that week and the shoes were banned from school. So
the big investment my parents made in the shoes went to the back of my closet
where they were never worn again.
They say the bigger the expectation the bigger the
heartache. We paint castles in skies, fold wishes into pockets, and tuck dreams
into hearts. We build up the hype in our heads up so high that it’s hard to
swallow the pill of reality. That some things just never work out the way we’d
want them to.
Maybe you put all your eggs in one basket. Maybe you trusted
or gave far more of yourself in a friendship and came out empty handed. Maybe
the relationship you were in didn't pan out the way you thought it would. We do
it all the time. We gamble more than we can afford to lose. But even if that’s
the case, who’s to say it’s completely a bad thing?
I agree, there’s no getting around the gradations of grief
you go through when facing a loss. Of course it’s disappointing. But people
recover from disappointment; otherwise we’d all be hanging from nooses.
There’s something to say about the fearless optimism of a child.
I find more and more, not only with myself, but those around me that as we age
it is sadly a dwindling trait. It’s by far more easy to be a Cynic. But Cynicism
isn't a safety net, it’s a crutch!
A way to rationalize with ourselves why we can’t, why we won’t,
take chances. Not to say that yours isn't valid, just simply that it is a
corrosive way of thinking. You’re not putting the world at bay. You’re fencing
yourself in. You’re narrowing your perception. You’re, frankly, giving up on
yourself.
Not every endeavor leads to a tray of heaping, dripping food
upon your body. Not every venture ends up in a total messy disaster. And though
going in you’re never sure of that, you've got to try. Because what defines you
isn't how many times you crashed, but the number of times you got back up. As
long as it’s one more; you’re all good. J
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