It was mid day Sunday when we went
over to visit a friend at a Geriatrics center. We sat most of the time
discussing what to do about this Friends health. And explaining to his son, who
had come down to visit from up north, the critical issue of this friend’s
relocation.
See he’s in his mid 80’s now and
often forgets taking his medication. He now needs care 24hrs a day. But all our
good intentions are now short of the care that his family can give him. As my
father discussed this with his son, I sat next to this dear old man and the
love of his life.
She’d lean in to talk to him since
he’s hard at hearing. And he’d look at her intently with the sweetest sadness
in his eyes. There was warmth in the way they spoke to each other. And their
love radiated in the way they’d smile at one another.
The decision to uproot him from his
home was a hard one. And we all knew it. He’d live next door to the love of his
life for 25 years. They never married and to anyone else it seemed like they
lived separate lives. But they shared much more than just a hall in an
apartment complex.
They shared decades of endless
coffee’s and breakfasts. They shared dinners and long conversations. They shared
losses and gains that life threw at them. All with stride, all with care, and
deep respect for one another.
They shared their everyday life with
each other; the monotonous routine to the perpetual tragic turn of events in
their lives. For 25 years he drove her to all her errands. And every Sunday
afternoon they could be found drinking coffee at her apartment after a long day
of errands. When one was sick, the other would cook soups and old Mexican remedies
for the other. This was their way. Their friendship was that profound. And year
after year, a love more unconditional than any other type of love grew.
They never married because after
becoming a widow she felt a sense of loyalty to her husband. And he never
remarried because after a divorce he fell in love with a woman who would never
marry again. But for 25 years they remained neighbors and each other’s
confidant and best friend.
Now both in their late 80’s their illnesses have
blotted out their future. Dementia is starting to set in and it is harder for
them to get around. They’ve become senile and it’s obviously time that someone
takes care of them. They need nurturing and love, and sadly both will be
leaving very soon to their families miles apart from each other. Him up north, and her down south to Mexico.
So to see them today having come to
the realization that now they must part ways was very much heart breaking. And
he said it so that day at brunch. He told her his heart would break if they
took him away from him. But she reassured him that it was okay. That she would
put aside her heart just to see him well and better taken care of.
You could see it in their eyes, how
hard it was going to be for them to say goodbye. How hard it would be to walk
away from a lifetime of memories. But inevitability has a way of catching up
with you when we least expect it.
The visit ended and we left
promptly. But as we drove away I couldn’t help but think how bitterly sweet
their goodbye would be. How after 25 years and many recollections they remained
steadfast when it came to their love. So pure and so wholesome. Rare, oh so
rare, for our time.
True love stories are very hard to
come by these days. Pure unconditional love is a rare gem often stowed away
secretly. Our society has a dire need of return policies when it comes to love.
It’s so much easier for them to discard of someone than to stand by them a
lifetime. And divorce has almost become a norm, a solution, an easy fix, to
people’s issues.
So when you see a forever kind of
love, the kind that lasts a lifetime, you can’t help but regain some hope. Hope
in humanity, that the ideals that we vow to upkeep sometimes are worth all the
struggle. That the exceptions in love can occur much more often than the rule. And
that love is capable of withstanding much more than we give it credit for.
I’m not saying it’s easy to come by.
What I am saying is that given a real shot at love, every relationship can have
a real opportunity at it. But it might take rubbing off the skepticism we’ve
been wearing as sunscreen. It might mean tearing down the walls of our
insecurities. And it might also mean rebuilding and restructuring bridges we
burned and digging up the ideals that we buried.
It’s work and exertion on our part,
but a lifetime later you will find it to be a blessing… to have had lived
through something so exceptionally special.
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