Looking for love in all the wrong places

The following story is dedicated to a dear friend who never gave up the fight and found love was waiting for him only an Ocean away...

 “Maybe I’m attracted to drama” he says sarcastically.

“More like drama is attracted to you.” I reply jokingly.

And we sit and talk on the phone for hours about how he finds himself in the same predicament always. He’s the type that falls in love with someone with a lot of insecurities. The type of girl who is too young to know what she wants and needs and often tries to flee from his hands. This is his type and the reason why, though a charming, handsome, and successful man, can’t find someone to love

Later that day I get to thinking about relationships and about those developed “types” that we all have. For as long as I can remember I’ve dated the tall dark and handsome type. With one exception. But those are looks. What I’m really getting at is the type of person you usually go for. Their traits, their personality. Which is yours? Do you always go for the bad boy? The rude, sarcastic, macho man? The girliest woman who can’t break a nail without crying? The emotionally challenged soul? Or the alarming commitment-phobe type?

My friend whom I mentioned earlier happens to go for the complicated type and ends up usually coming up empty handed. And though he will willingly admit to hating the cat and mouse game. I think secretly he thrives off the chase of it all.

 When we fail time and time again though… is it the game or the player that is the problem? When relationships fails we immediately point the finger at the other person. I mean there has to be something wrong with THEM! All our lives we are taught we must blame something or someone for our own shortcomings. Our past, our father, our mothers, our sisters, or brothers. But never blame yourself. It’s never our fault. But isn’t it always our fault? Because if we wanted to change, aren’t we the only ones who have to change?  What if we have been wrong all the time? What if the reason that most of our relationships fail has to do with – dare I say it? … US.

I guess there’s no right or wrong answer. It’s like my mother says “Cada cabeza es un mundo”. Which loses its translation in English but shines light at the fact that every situation is different. Every story has a different outline. And there’s no one equation to every and which problem.

Later that week I find myself putting away pictures and mementos of my latest failed relationship. I hold one particular photo in my hand and sigh...

“I’ll always be that girl.” I say realizing it.

“What girl is that?” My friend who is over helping responds, with a quizzical look on her face.

“The girl who always falls for the wrong guy.”

“Oh.”

There’s something so obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise. And that was my truth. Till this day my track record spoke for itself. Which brought me back to the same question. Do we all, with time grow complacent when it comes to dating? Ironically it is our fear of being alone that causes us to make choices that ultimately render us lonely within our relationship. Maybe because we settle, maybe because we just don’t know different. Or maybe, just maybe, because we constantly search for love in all the wrong places.

So how do we break the cycle? First you must realize the answer won’t come to you no matter how many pints of Haagen-Dazs you eat. Instead it starts with one simple fact. You first, must want to break the cycle. How? No one could tell you. You just have to go through it on your own. If you are fortunate, you come out the other side and understand. If you don’t, you’ll keep getting thrust back, retracing the steps, until you finally get it right.