Life As I Know It

It’s my usual Sunday night, me rummaging through notes and notebooks, editing and writing. I stood up and went into my writing closet. Realizing that the binder I wanted was at the very top, I stood on a stool and yanked at the bottom of the stack. Swiftly it all came toppling over me, hitting me in the head in the process. Papers and folders scattered everywhere. I grunted. I began picking them up one by one when I ran across a manila folder gently titled “WEDDING” in block letters, with a red heart sticker following the word. I’d forgotten I was planning a wedding. I slid slowly to the floor till I was sitting and I began to go through its contents. There were lists of first dance songs and father/daughter songs; clippings of flower arrangements, swatches of fabrics, notebook entries of budgets, and location listings. There it all was. Very detailed and organized. All I ever dreamed of, all I thought I ever wanted. And on the last page, on the back cover of the folder, a pasted...

Growing up when people asked me what I feared the most I had only one answer. Most people would say spiders, or insects, big dogs, or even heights. Those are usual fears and it’s even true that they were some of mine. But quite frankly even at a young age I knew what I feared the most. Regret. Regret is a peculiar thing. More often than not, in the moment, we don’t know if we will face it as part of the outcome for our actions. We direly hope that the doors that we close, and the paths that we choose are inevitably leading us down our very own yellow brick road to blissfulness. Regret, like hindsight, is 20/20. The truth is that none of us are perfect. That we won’t always make the right decisions. That sometimes we will do what we can with what we have. And that inevitably we will face that life has a way of disregarding even our best intentions. A couple of weeks ago my first love got married. I met the news with so many mixed emotions. A downpour of thoughts crosse...

It was a late afternoon when she received a text from one of her best friends to meet up for dinner. It’d been a long day at work. And she needed a bit of distracting. So they met up for sushi. The waitress had just finished handing them their menu’s when her phone rang and her other best friend was on the other line. She smiled and said “Oh look who it is” showing the phone to her friend across the table. “Hello Sunshine!” She said in her usual cheery voice. What followed were a multitude of pleasantries, and there was an eerie sense of worry that came over her. She knew in her heart that, that conversation had much more to do with something important than what the weather was this time a year. She could hear the nervousness in her friend’s voice so she finally said   “So what’s up? What can I help you with?” “Well, I don’t know how to say this.” And her heart sank “Well just say it.” She squirmed in her chair. “I received an invitation in the mail.” “And?” She sti...

It was a clear autumn day. Outside the birds were chirping and the breeze was blowing, and the sun was shining brightly. She looked out of the window into the horizon unsure of how they’d gotten here. She sighed, as a melancholy tear rolled down her cheek. She looked at him. His eyes were wide, and bleak, and tortured. And though he was flailing his limbs, yelling at the top of his lungs at her, she could only hear the beating drum of her heart as it became more and more anxious and self aware. He parked the car abruptly making her jolt out of her seat, hitting her head on the dashboard. And everything inside her screamed for help. But she knew better, so she composed herself. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t see things his way. It angered him beyond control. She could always push that button in him. He spewed venom with every word, like tiny jagged swords they carved their way into her being, as she wished the earth would swallow her whole. As much as she loved him, she wo...

He walked in and the aroma of coffee hugged his scent. The bustle of the busy coffee shop almost bothered him. But he hadn't slept all night and needed a dose of caffeine to help him stay awake. It was a long weekend after all. And that’s when he noticed her, off the corner of his eye. She was perusing the pastry counter in deep thought unsure of what she wanted. She turned slightly realizing she was holding the line and offered the next customer her place in line. “You go first” She said. She hadn't noticed him. She hadn't even looked at his face. Just the figure of the man standing next to her. Until he said his drink order. And then her body perked up, she knew that voice. Every inch of her body recognized his being. She wouldn't even have to look twice to know it was him. It was the first time that they saw each other in person. 1 year and 6 month since the last time he kissed her. And too many sleepless nights,...

It was a bright and early morning when I woke up to the sound of my alarm and my sister opening the curtains wide letting in a little too much sunlight. I wanted desperately to turn the other way and sleep in a few more minutes but even on vacation she was a stickler for time. So I rolled out of bed reluctantly, I got dressed, and we headed for the days adventures; snorkeling first on our list. We got to the dock and after boarding instructions we boarded the vessel that would take us to a near island with coral reefs. Finally at our destination the boat anchored and we were handed our gear. So flippers and all people one by one jumped into the vast ocean uninhibited. I did too. I’d forgotten how rough the Pacific was. A greater part of World War II had been fought here. Somehow the waters still reeked of vengeance. Except I forgot I could not swim, and at that moment even how to float. So I was instantly submerged by the undertow and the lapping of the waves. I fought to catc...